This must be the work of some truly genius minds!

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Er.

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I have noted your interesting observation, Mr. Goyle.

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Me neither.

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Well that settles it.

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Curious that you neglected to mention the singable songs for the very young coming from my clothes, Professor. What do you know that you aren't telling us? Do the letters 'C-A-N-A-D-A' mean anything to you?

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Any mention of a Tetsuo? Or just Canada?

Could be a muggle country, could be a muggle film reference.

Either way, clothing generally doesn't sing.

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Is the film tidally boring?

In the film, do you ever hear the ocean roar? Or just listen to that wild goose call? Because in Canada, you get to see them all.

I am aware of this.

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No, it's not boring in the least, and I don't recall oceans, geese, or, for that matter, the country of Canada.

There is a fellow named "Kaneda," though. No chance your clothing is just bad at spelling, I suppose?

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Not unless Raffi is. Which is possible, given that he seems to have had a very hard time pronouncing the words 'eat', 'apples' and 'bananas'.

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Excellent, Mr. Boot. I shall add that to my list.

Again, no Slytherins appear to be suffering from singing footwear.

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Oh, so now that you have to answer the tough questions you're blaming Slytherin?

In the course of this complaint to Professor Snape, I've been reading very carefully to what you write, and you change positions on my clothes. You change positions on something as fundamental as what you believe in your core, in your heart of hearts, is right in Ravenclaw. And that's not how a head of house acts.

You cannot lead if you send mixed messages. Mixed messages send the wrong signals to the students. Mixed messages send the wrong signals to the faculty. Mixed messages send the wrong signals to Slytherin.

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Boot, what you blathering on about? I have changed postion on nothing.

You'll be the first person we look at if Hogwarts starts mandatory drug testing.

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So then you don't contend that Slytherin had something to do with my clothes? Very well. I ask you again: what do you know about my clothes that you aren't telling us? What exactly is your relation to Mr Bell?

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Interestingly enough, it seems that the strange occurances began shortly after the Slytherin Special Project. Yes, I do believe these events are related.

Who is Mr. Bell?

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I don't see how you can say that Slytherin is a threat and then say that this was the wrong comment at the wrong place at the wrong time and expect to head your house.

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.... What are you trying to say, Proffesor?

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Yes Professor. What are you insinuating?

We certainly have been affected by this mysterious unseen thing! Haven't we? We just choose not to whinge about it!

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How interesting, Mr. Zabini, as I have made observations here - not insinuations. It seems you protest a bit too quickly.

As for the rest, I intend to speak with your Head of House.

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I have been ill. Struck down by this crafty, unforgiving, invisible force.

Cough, cough.

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Miss Bulstrode, if you covered your bosoms you may not have that cough.

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Pot and kettle, Professor McGonagall.

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The pot is not the one coughing.

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Does that make me Kettle? Hack. Hack.

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Oh, what is it, Minerva?

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Oh, honestly, Severus, it certainly took you long enough to reply.

Do you think you can tear yourself away from Remus long enough to remember that you are a professor at this school?

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Of course I remember that I am a professor here, Minerva.

What do you want? I am rather busy.

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Admiring your shiny new ring is hardly more important than the welfare of the students, Severus.

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I am certain the students are all quite fine.

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They most definitely are not fine. There is something going on here, and you would realise that if you had bothered to read this list.

Students and staff have been attacked, had their property stolen, and property has been damaged. Students from every house except Slytherin.

That is not 'fine' at all.

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Really, Minerva, this is Hogwarts. You've been here since the founders' time. For Salazar's sake, you should realise by now that there is always something going on.

Your little theory appears to have a hole in it. If you would read your own list, you would notice that my own laptop was tampered with. Slytherin house has not been unaffected by these occurrances.

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Indeed, it was. As I recall, the tampering occurred while your laptop was in the dungeons. In Slytherin.

I do believe that mends the hole in that theory. Something is going on and I will get to the bottom of it.

I have NOT been here since the founders' time. I am youthful enough to still recall how it feels to be a young girl in love. Tell me, Severus, after Remus carries your books to class, do you find yourself doodling "Severus + Remus" in the margins of your textbooks?

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Oh, shut up, Minerva.

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"Severus Snape-Lupin luvs Remus Lupin-Snape"?

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Witch.

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It takes one to know one, Sevviepoo.

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OH PROFESSOR, THAT'S HYSTERICAL!

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